Was looking back at some old photos of me at roughly 19 or 20, and comparing them with photos of me now, soon before turning 30 (did I mention.....) In some photos I don't think I look much different, but in others I feel like I look completely different..... I wish I had noticed how GREAT my legs were at 20, but I REALLY should have plucked my eyebrows sooner!! Other than that and a few extra wrinkles, not too different!
I feel strangely protective and maternal towards the 19 year old in my photo. Maybe its all about what I'm reading into it, but she looks so young! Theres lots of things I think I would like to have told her. I would tell her that things eventually would turn out OK with Dad. I would tell her it was not her fault and there is no more she could have done. I would tell her its going to be painful, but it will feel better, but I would have told her to MAKE SURE she made time to tell him what she thought before he died.
I think I would tell her to travel while she was REALLY free.
I would tell her to dance as much as she can as wildly as she can while she still really enjoys nightclubs!! And I would tell her that ITS SO UNIMPORTANT if people think she looks silly as long as she is enjoying it!
I would tell her to MAKE SURE she went to that Bjork gig at the Opera house.....
I would tell her not to worry, you will pass your driving test eventually and to take particular pleasure in daydreaming and staring out of the window while she is still the passenger.
I would tell her that when the doctor told her it was gastric reflux, she should really ask for a second opinion.....
I would tell her to be more adventurous with her hair...... it will grow back!
I would tell her its perfectly OK not to have a career..... a job and a happy homelife is all that is needed. And I would tell her to tell people she was a painter when asked "what she did for a living"
I would hug her for all the times when it hurt too much too think clearly.....
I would tell her tequila is REALLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.....
I would tell her about the flat who are about to adopt her, and to hang on in there untill then....
I would tell her to be very wary indeed when it came to unresolved father figure issues....
I would tell her not to let mum get on that rickshaw in china....
I would tell her its probably not a good idea to get pet frogs....
I would tell her to take more risks.
I would tell her, in general, overall, to be more careful with mobile phones....
I would tell her to make the most of those GREAT legs while they are still great...
But most of all i would tell her not to do anything differently! I look back at the mistakes I have made, the fantastic times I have had, the terrible times that have been, but apart from the odd thing, I wouldn't change anything. I much prefer the picure of me at 29. I look happier and more confortable with myself. Which is something I am. All my experiences both good and bad have led me to this point. And I'm happy! I may grieve a little for the twentysomething I am about to leave behind, but I look forward to the thirtysomething I am about to become, because this thirtysomething is much more relaxed, content and comfortable in her skin, even if there is a bit more flesh on it and its a bit more wrinkly! I look forward to the future, its the next chapter....
30? Im ready........
No comments:
Post a Comment