Reflecting on the change...

The other day at the Bristol studio I was thinking about how things are changing for me. And then I was reminded that my word for this year is change. I suppose I haven't thought about the word too much, and I certainly haven't blogged much about it, but my sudden realisation was that it was perhaps a HIGHLY appropriate word to sum up what is happening for me, and what has been happpening for me this year.

In places, this year has been quite difficult. Nothing bad has happened, its just that our plans for a massive life changing event have gone off the boil somewhat. Our original plan at the beginning of the year was to sell up and move to New Zealand, with not much more of a plan that "see what life throws at us". So in earnest, we set about completely doing up the flat. This was quite a difficult process in so many ways. And then once it was done? Well, a housing market crash has ensured that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has happened with the flat, and it looks pretty likely that nothing will! The year has been difficult in places, because we had such a clear plan, and then the fact that we couldn't follow through with it left me restless and felt difficult. Like we were standing on the spot. Add to that the biggest creative block I have EVER experienced, and its not been easy.

But now, I'm beginning to think things have worked out exactly as they should have. At times, I began to doubt our plans. I kind of felt like we were moving away to find a better life, but all the signs here were pointing at how good we have it. My studio space in Weston has taken off, I am much more involved in exhibiting, I am COMPLETELY over my creative block and have more ideas than ever, Dave working from home means we have a good work life balance, and my job is going really well too. The kind of job an artist needs to support them is one that does not demand too much, pays reasonably well and is not too consuming. And that is what i have, and my art fits round it well. Also, we have so many friends and family here. I kept asking myself what we were going away to gain, and I couldn't always answer.

But back to the Bristol Studio. I reached a decision which has been brewing for a while. I have decided to leave the studio. It will be a huge wrench, its been a massive part of my life for over three years, but it is time to move on. It feels right to dedicate more of my time to my exploration in my own studio at the Quarry. I have loved volunteering and the studio will always be part of me, but its time to focus my energies on myself.

So big change is happening, despite our original plan for big change not happening! I feel I am on the brink of a new creative era in lots of different ways. I guess I have gained lots of confidence from being part of Studio Upstairs, and now I feel ready to go it alone, confident in the knowledge I can do it.

There are other undercurrents of change that are perculating, it feels like a creative time in many ways, and my mind is turned towards the future.

I know the changes that are coming may be painful, potentially difficult and probably challenging, but the change feels important.

The worst thing I could ever feel creatively is stale.

CHANGE ensures things stay fresh!