The process of letting go...

Sometimes it is hard to let go of my paintings. Its a quandry really, because if I am to be a "success" as an artist, I need to be a lot more businesslike about selling and making money. It costs money to do what I do, and I need to make money in order to keep on buying materials so that I can make more, progress with my ideas, challenge myself and keep creating. Yet often the paintings are so hard to say goodbye to, as they can be really personal. Also, im not going to say a painting is finished until it is at a point where I am happy with it. If I am getting pissed off with it or feel it is not working, then more often than not I obliterate it with layers of paint, and keep on repeating this process until it is finished. This often means that I like the piece a lot (some obviously more than others!) or at the very least, I have a some sort of emotional attachment to it. There are some paintings that are mine and will never be for sale, but I have to be ruthless and only keep the ones which are special to me. I guess as much as I do my painting for my own satisfaction and self expression, part of being a painter is to display work and make it available for others. Plus, if I never got rid of work, I would soon run out of room in my flat!

This weekend, my uni housemates came to stay. (It was a fabulous weekend of red wine, silliness, belly dancing in the park, deep and meaningful conversation, wig wearing and laughter, but thats another story) As part of Charlies 30th birthday, I offered her a painting of her choice as a present. Some things I couldn't let be part of the selection, but I couldn't just let the choice be between paintings I valued least, so the risk was she would choose a painting that would be hard to part with. She made her shortlist, and one of them was one I love...... my gut feeling was that this would end up being "the one" and I was not wrong!


















I'm thrilled that she picked one she really liked. Its flattering when someone loves something you do, and I knew this was how she felt about it. Its also nice to think of her seeing that painting everyday and being reminded of me. She and Hannah are great friends who I miss dearly, and in a way, this reminder will somehow keep the connection between us. But I can't help but grieve for it a little bit! Its not in my world any more.

And yes I KNOW its just a painting....... but it is also a little bit of me I sell or give away when a painting gets a new home. And that can bring up all sorts of expected and unexpected feelings!

This artist malarky sure is challenging!