Taken from Laura's blog..... and today seemed like an appropriate day to do it!!
TODAY
June 28th 2009
Outside my window... Its trying to rain, and I'm hoping for a huge, thundery downpour!
I am thinking... that it is so hard to focus on anything other than the fact that my baby is due TODAY, and that from now onwwards, waiting is going to feel so long.
I am thankful for... spending lots and lots of time with Dave right now before the baby gets here, but that he will be around in the days seeing his baby grow up, because he works from home.
From the kitchen... A hive of activity, due to my nesting need to fill the freezer to the brim! Lasagna, spinich dijon chicken, beef bourganon, beef and ale stew and morrocan lamb tagine this week alone!
I am wearing... my trusty maternity jeans and a floaty top... and feeling very hot.
I am creating... a painting in the kitchen which is really quite different from anything I have done before. I'm not sure I like it, but its more about the making than the end product right now.
I am going... to try and think of productive ways of filling my week next week if nothing happens, so that I am not just wasting time on the internet or feeling bored and restless.
I am reading... hmmmmm.... yes, reading. I have just finished "A spot of bother" by Mark Haddon, and really need to start another one. Think it might be "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak.
I am hoping... that this time next week I won't be waiting any more!
I am hearing... piano music coming from the front room being played by Dave.
Around the house... is tidier than its EVER been!
One of my favorite things... paint!
A few plans for the rest of the week... Need I state the obvious? You can guess what I'm HOPING the big plan is for the week ahead!
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Studio in crisis
Another important thing that I haven't said much about here is the funding crisis currently being faced by Studio Upstairs, the artists community where i used to volunteer. On my last day at the studio, the announcement was made that unless some major funding was secured, the studio would have to close within 6 months.
I am devastated by this possibility.
Despite not being a volunteer at the studio now, I will always feel part of it and the thought of it closing fills me with horror. It is a vital resource for so many, and full of some of the most creative and inspiring people I know. Since the announcement was made, some funding has been secured which means the studios future is safe until Jan 2010, but despite this, things still hang in the balance. So many exciting exhibitions and fundraising things are planned, so I feel optimistic and hopeful. But if anyone is out there in blogland who wants to support a most worthy charity in any way they can, visit the studio website for more details.
And the next exhibition is an exhibition of postcards for sale...... heres the blurb from the facebook site publicising this.....
As part of our continuing ‘Save Our Studio’ campaign, Studio Upstairs Bristol proudly presents an exciting open submission exhibition at 204 Gloucester Road artspace from June 27 – July 5th
All artists were given a 5"x8" postcard and a free rein – the result is an incredible mixed-media show, with the Bristol art community truly pulling together to show their support for Studio Upstairs.
Artists from Studio Upstairs, Aardman, Spike Island, Jamaica Street Studios, PRSC, Mivart Street Studios and graffiti / street artists from the recent RWA Crimes of Passion show (amongst others) have all got involved - the result is a massive selection of high quality original pieces, all for sale at just £10 - come early and grab a bargain!
I am REALLY hoping to attend the opening, but is firmly in the hands of fate, as it is the day before my baby is meant to make an arrival.....
I am devastated by this possibility.
Despite not being a volunteer at the studio now, I will always feel part of it and the thought of it closing fills me with horror. It is a vital resource for so many, and full of some of the most creative and inspiring people I know. Since the announcement was made, some funding has been secured which means the studios future is safe until Jan 2010, but despite this, things still hang in the balance. So many exciting exhibitions and fundraising things are planned, so I feel optimistic and hopeful. But if anyone is out there in blogland who wants to support a most worthy charity in any way they can, visit the studio website for more details.
And the next exhibition is an exhibition of postcards for sale...... heres the blurb from the facebook site publicising this.....
As part of our continuing ‘Save Our Studio’ campaign, Studio Upstairs Bristol proudly presents an exciting open submission exhibition at 204 Gloucester Road artspace from June 27 – July 5th
All artists were given a 5"x8" postcard and a free rein – the result is an incredible mixed-media show, with the Bristol art community truly pulling together to show their support for Studio Upstairs.
Artists from Studio Upstairs, Aardman, Spike Island, Jamaica Street Studios, PRSC, Mivart Street Studios and graffiti / street artists from the recent RWA Crimes of Passion show (amongst others) have all got involved - the result is a massive selection of high quality original pieces, all for sale at just £10 - come early and grab a bargain!
I am REALLY hoping to attend the opening, but is firmly in the hands of fate, as it is the day before my baby is meant to make an arrival.....
Catching Up
Ok, so I haven't blogged in SUCH a long time, but I think it is fair to say my brain has been engaged elsewhere!!
I have been really trying to focus on ME during the last few months of my pregnancy, but it is hard to focus when all of my energies are being drawn inwards towards the little life that is growing so big in my belly, and all the excitement, worry, fear and happiness that brings. Also, over the past couple of weeks I have found it even harder to think about myself and my creativity, as my baby was locked in a breech position, and I was dealing with issues around this, which I won't go into here, as I don't want to get TOO personal. Safe to say we had a very sucessful if pretty hardcore and traumatic appointment yesterday where my baby was turned. So now I can focus on an active birth, and try and think a bit more about me and my creativity!
Its hard to remember what else has been happening in my world since I last blogged. Arts week totally burned me out and left me unable and extremely unwilling to be in my studio. I went up there a couple of days ago though recently. I only painted for an hour, but it made me feel back in touch with my creative urges, and much more balanced. I am brimming with ideas, but really do need to get rid of all my old paintings that are hanging around. They feel pretty stale now, and are blocking the flow of new ideas. But its kind of hard to do anything about this right now! All I know is that I have a hankering to do an exhibition which is much more about exhibiting for exhibitings sake, rather than to try and flog canvasses. I have some ideas for some much more sculptural work, and feel a new direction coming on. Which is quite exciting. I also have absolutely no idea how long these ideas will take to come to life. Could be a year. Could be many more!! Lets welcome the new arrival into my world and go from there!
I have been really trying to focus on ME during the last few months of my pregnancy, but it is hard to focus when all of my energies are being drawn inwards towards the little life that is growing so big in my belly, and all the excitement, worry, fear and happiness that brings. Also, over the past couple of weeks I have found it even harder to think about myself and my creativity, as my baby was locked in a breech position, and I was dealing with issues around this, which I won't go into here, as I don't want to get TOO personal. Safe to say we had a very sucessful if pretty hardcore and traumatic appointment yesterday where my baby was turned. So now I can focus on an active birth, and try and think a bit more about me and my creativity!
Its hard to remember what else has been happening in my world since I last blogged. Arts week totally burned me out and left me unable and extremely unwilling to be in my studio. I went up there a couple of days ago though recently. I only painted for an hour, but it made me feel back in touch with my creative urges, and much more balanced. I am brimming with ideas, but really do need to get rid of all my old paintings that are hanging around. They feel pretty stale now, and are blocking the flow of new ideas. But its kind of hard to do anything about this right now! All I know is that I have a hankering to do an exhibition which is much more about exhibiting for exhibitings sake, rather than to try and flog canvasses. I have some ideas for some much more sculptural work, and feel a new direction coming on. Which is quite exciting. I also have absolutely no idea how long these ideas will take to come to life. Could be a year. Could be many more!! Lets welcome the new arrival into my world and go from there!
Monday, 18 May 2009
Post North Somerset Arts Week musings
I was involved in North Somerset Arts Week up at the Quarry, with open studios and an exhibition, and although it all ended over a week ago, its only now that I have felt the energy to blog about it.
It really drained me
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it too, its good to have people coming in and seeing the work, and this does bring with it a new kind of energy, but I was up there most days and just found it really tiring. Exhibiting, selling and going public with my work is probably the thing I struggle with the most about being a painter. And also, there is something really disconcerting about the fact that putting your stuff on a wall gives people free reign to say WHATEVER they wish. Again, I had lots of positive comments about my work and these were great to hear, but there were a few negatives in there too, and one or two people (you know who you are Vera!!) who gave it to me with both barrels!! I always find this a struggle. I know not everyone will like what I do, and it would be very strange and disagreeable if they did, but if I saw something I don't like when viewing art and the artist was stood right by it, I would never DREAM of being nasty to them about it! When I put my work on a wall, I'm putting up a big piece of myself, so when people dismiss it in such vocal terms, they are (unbeknown to them) directly dismissing ME. However, every time I exhibit, it gets easier I suppose, easier to feed off the positive comments, and easier to put two fingers up to the critics!
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Musings on Identity
I woke up this morning thinking about the subject of identity, and my thoughts have stayed with this for most of the day, so I felt compelled to blog about it!
There are many thoughts connected with my sense of identity at the moment during this transitional period I am in. At the moment, I am neither a viewed as mother, or someone who no longer has children, and it is a bit of a strange no mans land to be in. I don't feel I yet have much in common with those with children and feel the urge to shy away from conversations around babies, yet I miss some of my friends who don't have babies and who already seem to view me as different from them and seperate. It feels a little lonely. And a big issue for me around this is my identity as an artist. I have had so many people tell me that when my baby is born, there is no way I will spend any time up at my studio. If I try and argue my corner with these people, they give me these patronising smiles that imply I am extremely naive and perhaps a little stupid. They OBVIOUSLY know better than me and scoff at my lack of knowledge!! But I AM planning on being at my studio…… I suppose I feel a little insulted when people state with such confidence in themselves that I won’t paint. My art is not a “nice little hobby” it’s an intrinsic part of who I am. Even when I am not actively working, my inner painter is always active, thinking, planning and being inspired. I can’t switch this off, and I feel that the people who are so negative have never felt this compulsion. It comes from the same place I guess as those who say “ooo, painting, that must be nice and relaxing.” You know what? Sometimes it is the biggest struggle of my life to keep painting, sometimes I get stuck, frustrated, angry and feel like I never want to paint again. Sometimes I feel blissful while painting, or in touch with deeper parts of myself that are hard to put into words, or shy, or energetic or a whole host of other things. But relaxing?? No. Never that!
Sometimes I question whether my attitude is selfish by having such a strong need to paint, and viewing it as just as important as taking care of my baby when he or she is here. My inner artist kind of rebels at being a mother, and wants to keep the two identities separate, probably out of fear of being forgotten, lost or diminished. But I know that inevitably these two identities will have to co-exist, and I don’t know at the moment if there will be a clash that pulls me in different directions, or will whether they will merge and compliment each either to enrich my art making in new ways.
Through talking to and reading about other artist mothers, I feel somewhat reassured. On talking about my fears with another painter up at the studio, she reassured me that “the art will call you back”. I am also influenced by Keri Smith, who wrote about her experiences on her blog of how your creativity is impacted by having a child. She speaks honestly about the difficulties (and despite what that doubters think, I KNOW things like lack of sleep and having a child with me will, at times, severly limit what I can do!!) but also the bonuses to ones creativity and inspiration, and she says that she
“believes one of the best gifts I can give to (her baby) is to allow my own creativity to flourish. Not necessarily in the all encompassing way that it did before. Now I have to shrink things down a bit to fit it into the time I have. But it is still a huge part of me and I am excited to share it more with him as he grows…… For me it came down to a question. Not "Will I have a child and still be able to create?", but instead, "Can I live with not having had that experience in my life?" and for me the answer was "no".
So after all my thinking today, I feel galvanised. I know it won’t be easy, but I am prepared to fight for my identity as an artist. I won’t be giving it up, how could I? It would be like giving up breathing, I cannot survive without it!! After all, in reference to my word of the year, my creativity is probably the biggest part of what makes me KAREN.
There are many thoughts connected with my sense of identity at the moment during this transitional period I am in. At the moment, I am neither a viewed as mother, or someone who no longer has children, and it is a bit of a strange no mans land to be in. I don't feel I yet have much in common with those with children and feel the urge to shy away from conversations around babies, yet I miss some of my friends who don't have babies and who already seem to view me as different from them and seperate. It feels a little lonely. And a big issue for me around this is my identity as an artist. I have had so many people tell me that when my baby is born, there is no way I will spend any time up at my studio. If I try and argue my corner with these people, they give me these patronising smiles that imply I am extremely naive and perhaps a little stupid. They OBVIOUSLY know better than me and scoff at my lack of knowledge!! But I AM planning on being at my studio…… I suppose I feel a little insulted when people state with such confidence in themselves that I won’t paint. My art is not a “nice little hobby” it’s an intrinsic part of who I am. Even when I am not actively working, my inner painter is always active, thinking, planning and being inspired. I can’t switch this off, and I feel that the people who are so negative have never felt this compulsion. It comes from the same place I guess as those who say “ooo, painting, that must be nice and relaxing.” You know what? Sometimes it is the biggest struggle of my life to keep painting, sometimes I get stuck, frustrated, angry and feel like I never want to paint again. Sometimes I feel blissful while painting, or in touch with deeper parts of myself that are hard to put into words, or shy, or energetic or a whole host of other things. But relaxing?? No. Never that!
Sometimes I question whether my attitude is selfish by having such a strong need to paint, and viewing it as just as important as taking care of my baby when he or she is here. My inner artist kind of rebels at being a mother, and wants to keep the two identities separate, probably out of fear of being forgotten, lost or diminished. But I know that inevitably these two identities will have to co-exist, and I don’t know at the moment if there will be a clash that pulls me in different directions, or will whether they will merge and compliment each either to enrich my art making in new ways.
Through talking to and reading about other artist mothers, I feel somewhat reassured. On talking about my fears with another painter up at the studio, she reassured me that “the art will call you back”. I am also influenced by Keri Smith, who wrote about her experiences on her blog of how your creativity is impacted by having a child. She speaks honestly about the difficulties (and despite what that doubters think, I KNOW things like lack of sleep and having a child with me will, at times, severly limit what I can do!!) but also the bonuses to ones creativity and inspiration, and she says that she
“believes one of the best gifts I can give to (her baby) is to allow my own creativity to flourish. Not necessarily in the all encompassing way that it did before. Now I have to shrink things down a bit to fit it into the time I have. But it is still a huge part of me and I am excited to share it more with him as he grows…… For me it came down to a question. Not "Will I have a child and still be able to create?", but instead, "Can I live with not having had that experience in my life?" and for me the answer was "no".
So after all my thinking today, I feel galvanised. I know it won’t be easy, but I am prepared to fight for my identity as an artist. I won’t be giving it up, how could I? It would be like giving up breathing, I cannot survive without it!! After all, in reference to my word of the year, my creativity is probably the biggest part of what makes me KAREN.
Saturday, 25 April 2009
Long Time No Post....
Its been ages since I last posted, hasn't it?
My world is a very busy one at the moment, and I suppose much of my energy has been turned inwards and on the very wriggly little life that is growing in me! But there is stuff going on..... I will do seperate posts for some of the current bigger things that are going on, but here is just a snapshot of things from my world that are NOT baby related...
HOLIDAY
We went away for our little jaunt to The Music Room down near South Hams for our wedding anniversary. It was a truely inspiring space, where lots of creative thoughts florished! During the week, we both got VERY sick for a couple of days, which sounds like it should have spoilt the week, but actually didn't at all. OK, so having a winter vomiting bug wasn't great , but what it did force me to do was to slow down almost to a complete halt and really rest, and I was reminded of how this is such a rarity in everyday life. It gave me so much clear thinking time.
I also spent lots of time unhurridly pampering myself in the bathroom... you know, lotions, potions, scrubs and lovely smells! It felt so good to shamelessly devote all that time to myself, not for vanities sake, but just to feel good. More of this sort of thing needs to occur in my everyday life, not just when on holiday. And it is no excuse to say I have no time..... this was another pretty media free week, certainly with no internet, and it occurred to me just how much of my time is taken up with mindless internet use when I could be doing other things. I guess that also explains my lack of posting here, as since my holiday I have spent much less time on the net, and not missed it much either!
MAKING A DEN
I used to love making dens when I was a child.... and it occured to me one night that there was no need for me not to make one just because I am a "grown up". So I made one.... filled it with delicious snacks, inspiring books, my Ipod, some paintings to look at, fairy lights and my journal. It was the best night in I have had in AGES!
BEES IN MY CAR
I haven't seen any bees in ages.... I heard there was a world wide honey shortage a while ago due to lack of bees. And then one day, driving along, I realised one was buzzing away in the back trying to get out. I parked up to let it out, opened my boot, and two more flew out. How odd. What were 3 bees doing in my car??
I will stop going off on tangents now and bring this post to a close. But I am back, and will post more soon about what else is happening in my world...
My world is a very busy one at the moment, and I suppose much of my energy has been turned inwards and on the very wriggly little life that is growing in me! But there is stuff going on..... I will do seperate posts for some of the current bigger things that are going on, but here is just a snapshot of things from my world that are NOT baby related...
HOLIDAY
We went away for our little jaunt to The Music Room down near South Hams for our wedding anniversary. It was a truely inspiring space, where lots of creative thoughts florished! During the week, we both got VERY sick for a couple of days, which sounds like it should have spoilt the week, but actually didn't at all. OK, so having a winter vomiting bug wasn't great , but what it did force me to do was to slow down almost to a complete halt and really rest, and I was reminded of how this is such a rarity in everyday life. It gave me so much clear thinking time.
I also spent lots of time unhurridly pampering myself in the bathroom... you know, lotions, potions, scrubs and lovely smells! It felt so good to shamelessly devote all that time to myself, not for vanities sake, but just to feel good. More of this sort of thing needs to occur in my everyday life, not just when on holiday. And it is no excuse to say I have no time..... this was another pretty media free week, certainly with no internet, and it occurred to me just how much of my time is taken up with mindless internet use when I could be doing other things. I guess that also explains my lack of posting here, as since my holiday I have spent much less time on the net, and not missed it much either!
MAKING A DEN
I used to love making dens when I was a child.... and it occured to me one night that there was no need for me not to make one just because I am a "grown up". So I made one.... filled it with delicious snacks, inspiring books, my Ipod, some paintings to look at, fairy lights and my journal. It was the best night in I have had in AGES!
BEES IN MY CAR
I haven't seen any bees in ages.... I heard there was a world wide honey shortage a while ago due to lack of bees. And then one day, driving along, I realised one was buzzing away in the back trying to get out. I parked up to let it out, opened my boot, and two more flew out. How odd. What were 3 bees doing in my car??
I will stop going off on tangents now and bring this post to a close. But I am back, and will post more soon about what else is happening in my world...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
